Lucky are those who know exactly what to do with their lives — those who have it all figured out, those who get to choose and pursue what they want to become.
I have dreamed of becoming a bunch of different things.
- For the desire of imparting my knowledge (or maybe imposing my know-it-all tendencies to others), I wanted to become a teacher.
- For yearning of all things fair and just, I wanted to become a lawyer.
- For being innately curious and inquisitive, I wanted to be a scientist.
- For the love of the complexity of the human brain and behavior, I wanted to become a psychologist.. or maybe a neurologist.
- For the fancy of solving crimes, I wanted to be a forensic scientist.
- For my newly found passion in cooking, I wanted to be a chef.
- For my excellence in chemistry, I wanted to pursue pharmacy or something in line with that.
I never dreamed of becoming a nurse, not even for one bit. I would say it was a last minute decision when I finally got qualified in a college where my other friends are going and since everyone were taking up nursing, so I did.
I had a chance to back out but my parents believed that I would make a good nurse..aside from the reason that it was the most practical decision to make. I wasn’t totally that bad when I was a student. My compassion and caring attitude are genuine. I had great critical thinking skills.
It just took one split-second emergency situation that changed my whole perspective about nursing. A patient was supposed to be suctioned through his ET tube and my instructor told me to do it. I was held on my tracks as I have never done the skill before and I wasn’t confident. My instructor started screaming at me and she decided to do it. As she did, she must have triggered the patient’s Valsalva maneuver and her suctioning caused cardiac arrest on the patient. I froze and realized what damage I would have caused if I did it.
Since then, I’ve always became anxious handling critically-ill patients. Any second, an emergency can arise and I wasn’t too confident being a first responder. I’ve never regained my greatness back and for this, I always thought..is nursing really for me?
As I said, I can be a bunch of different things but I can’t just abandon what I’ve started in my nursing career and choose to go for the things I really want. I know it sounds wrong not to have a “choice” but really, I don’t. A lot of people depend on me once I reach the ultimate goal.
So again, lucky are you who are in pursuit of the things you want.
Sillyloquies 