I should get my head checked.

Not in a “mentally ill” way, nope. I’ve just been having splitting headaches, sleep difficulties, memory lapses and instances of poor judgment.

Or maybe this is just the hypochondriac in me talking.

It’s just that I’ve been so stressed out lately. My profession’s regulatory body has contacted me this week telling me that I should schedule my competencies exams as soon as I can. 

In as much as I wanted to get these processes over with, there’s also a part in me that’s trying to dodge it. I am not (and I guess, will never be) prepared for the competencies. There’s a lot of things to know by heart. I always feel the need to study because I fear that if I don’t prepare as much, I’m set for failure. On the other hand, I am just extremely lazy and easily distracted. I don’t have enough self discipline and that’s really the big big problem.

So these things I can definitely resolve myself have been keeping me up all night. I know, I shouldn’t be ranting about problems I create but well, I just want to. I wish there’s something to push me everyday into accomplishing tasks that I need to get done. I have the motivation but I lack the will. 

So I guess I deserve to experience these symptoms til I find a way to deal with my problems.

Happy thanksgiving to all you Canadians! Hoping you are all enjoying a sumptous dinner with your significant others. I’ve had my share of roasted turkey and pumpkin pie last night with my uncle’s family.

I just want to take a pause and mention the people and things I am most grateful for:

1. To the Lord God for these blessings I am enjoying; for the gift of life, love, and endless opportunities.

2. To my loving parents who continue to support me and believing in my capabilities.

3. To my siblings for looking up to me for my guidance and for such immense respect.

4. To my extended family for always remembering me and cheering me on.

5. To Andrei, my love, for LOVE, TRUST, LOYALTY, and COMMITMENT.

6. To my crazzzy friends for keeping me sane and giving me things and moments to laugh about.

7. To the Canadian government for being such a great great country to live in.

8. For the opportunity to be in this country, to study, work, and live here. This place is just awesome!

I’ve lived here for almost a year and I’d say that this is the toughest and most ambitious challenge I’ve ever faced in my life. Thank God I’m still sane! LOL

Cheers everybody and enjoy this holiday! 😘

8.8.18

The past four days were spent alternating between lying in bed to watching kitty videos to reading books to drinking tea to reading blogs to taking afternoon naps to listening to music (and the list goes on). I haven’t accomplished anything I’m supposed to. I’m just taking my time, making the most out of my 4 days vacation before heading on to my fulltime job starting tomorrow. I rarely go out of my room except on instances where I’d have to use the washroom or get food from the kitchen. My housemates may be wondering what I’ve been doing, spending the whole day in my room. They may be weirded out by my unusual homebuddiness. I don’t care. I just want to take advantage of these four glorious days spending some me-time, not doing anything productive.

Let me tell you though that I have spent most of my time daydreaming about the date 8.8.18.

Lately, my fiancé and I have been having a lot of discussions, planning our future. Everytime he brings up the topic, I automatically get cold feet because of my uncertain status in this country. At this point, I don’t want to make any definite plans of the future yet since it will be a long and tedious process till achieving that permanent residency status. So I easily get irritated when he opens these topics as he is very excited to start his life here as well. Then we end up fighting. We have different views in life — him being optimistic and idealistic, me being realistic. It’s not easy being away from each other, believe me, and most especially going to bed still mad at one another. So we really try to come up with solutions to resolve our issues.
So I thought… With all these uncertainties, why can’t we make one realistic plan for our relationship? One that won’t be affected by any unsuccessful visa status changes. The one thing that we both could make happen despite the odds?

So we set the date.

8.8.18.

And while we are apart, we will save up until 2017 and whatever savings we come up with at that time, we will plan the wedding from there. We don’t care whether it will be too simple or most people in our lives will end up not being invited (because of our tight budget, we may have to really discern who to invite and who not to because both of us hail from huuuge families). We may have to settle for a local honeymoon destination in contrast to what has been previously discussed spending it at Japan or China. We don’t care. The most important thing is we start our marriage life as soon as possible. We told out loved ones and they are all excited as well!

Just to backtrack, my fiancé and I have been engaged since May 2014 and have made plans of getting a civil marriage but due to circumstances with my ongoing abroad application, it wasn’t easy to request another set of documents and update my already submitted applications. So we had to wait.

As I have previously said, it is never easy to be apart from each other. We were never sure when we will see each other again due to my uncertain status here. Times and circumstances might change us a lot. But what I admire about our relationship is nobody shows a single ounce of clue of giving up or letting go when times get tough. We are both committed to make this relationship work. That’s the most important thing, I guess.

Hello! I know I haven’t updated this site for over a year and I had to take down some previous posts for no particular reasons really, I just found them lame after backreading after a year. (LOL)

As I will be having more time to blog now (I have been busy with juggling work and school for the past year), I am hoping that I will be able to write more.

I feel that I have lost my ability to write because social media has preoccupied me. I kept backreading a personal blog that I used to write when I was younger and I am amazed at how good I was at writing down my thoughts and feelings at that time. Now, I can rarely even make time to ponder and reflect on what things mean.

I’ve always been eloquent. Now, I just don’t have that capability anymore. That is why I want to write. It has always been my passion. Yet, if you don’t get to practice that, you ultimately lose it. And I don’t want to lose it. These blogs will help me with my memory later on when I start losing it. It’s not like I am really old or anything but I’ve seen memory problems as early as 40’s, it’s very frustrating and I don’t want to go through that.

So I need to write everything down. I need to.